~Rya~

Alone in my room.. the hot air from the wind kisses me.. in my bed it teases me.. Not pleasurably .. But more towards insanity… It’s been so long since words have been spoken .. i am still.. i don’t speak.. i lay in the dark.. expecting something to creep around.. or lurk.. yet it’s nothing.. The wind is still.. My eyes glaze over… Confusion softly stirs about… taunting me.. i catch a glimpse and i spiral.. dizziness envelopes me but my body stays still… thoughts scream past me like a roller coaster ride.. what to think.. what to look.. i can’t focus..

Want to be more — not for him - For Myself!

Tears Fill My Eye…. It’s Been A While.. Since We Talked… Today you Invited Me Over.. But I’m At a Loss.. I Didn’t Go… I  Didn’t Bother…  I refused to be Used - For Your Own intentions… Sorry, Did I fail to mention?? You don’t have a hold on me anymore!! 

I’d be lying if i said it didn’t hurt.. I know that you alone could shatter my heart in pieces - again… I don’t want to be with you - let alone.. go back.. Because in my life right now - there is so much you lack… And the funny thing is you don’t want me either…

You just want my touch.. to fill you for the moment… Which has me wondering, since I know you have others.. So, why bother?? I’m not a cheap lay - I’m not letting you get a hold of me.. With a touch of your finger tips.. your lips… I’m sure that’s enough temptation…

But… can you see my frustration?!? I’ve been alone since you left… Untouched.. And yet you just can’t seem to get enough!?! So, why should I say yes… For one time with you again.. May leave me with tears for hours… As the next girl roles in…

So is it fair to me - that you’ll get all the pleasure? and I get to go home used and teathered… I know I told you no, I never even bothered… Didn’t even go over… But either way, it’s just the same.. You just want me for ecstasy… And pleasure…

And I stay home… all alone…

I feel lonely, I feel crushed, Wanting to be more than just an ex for satisfaction… I want to feel wanted - not just for some sex because I’m your ex… I don’t want to feel like that’s all I’m good for… I want More!!!!

So, I stay to myself… And find my way out… But today it hit me harder than usual….

Myself - Where have I Gone?

Finding motivation through the depths of my soul -

looking harder - seeking further

all i see is something spiraling out of control

As i look around and see peoples faces

thinking of how much more i am and should be

-than stuck in these familiar places

Who am i ? Where am i? What am i?

Girl - Here - Lost

How am i here - if i am still lost

A mind confined…

Hold myself back - as i seek myself

What do i see…

A person

Hurt - Damaged - Torn -

Seeking Motivation - Putting Back The Pieces

From Where?!? Myself!?!?

I hold myself back - from life - from love - from the past

I have cursed myself for the future

I’m So in control - that control doesn’t exist

I’m so lonely - looking for a fix

Excuses here - excuses there

For love for life for what comes my way

When will I see the day??

That I take back myself

Build myself together - stop blaming the past

All the bad weather - I hold onto excuses

To Get Me By..

To live for failure - not hurt my pride

But a little too late - I’m dying inside

I want to burst out of this Depression

Is this my confession? To Me

Finally Admitting what others See - or not..

I wonder when will i break from this shell

That dooms myself - to this life called hell

I Guess Realizing Denial is the First Step!

Twisted Truth

Unethical as it may seem..

I’m truely not living the dream

Of everything that i live for

Everything i stand for

Is not really me..

I feel like I’m being Eaten Up inside

So Lost - With no Pride

Feeling what i say is not how i feel

Feeling So Lost — So Unreal!!!

I live by what I say - But Is that jus what i say

Am i in denial? Have I gone Astray?

Maybe in the future - I can tell you what this means

But right now - I’m being ripped at the seams

Music Is My SoulMate

Soooo.. This was my MS Intro.. But it is Really Really Beast!! Soo.. I Definately wanted to move it somewhere else - so I can make my about me shorter.. Lol. Or at least update it more often.. I really don’t wanna lose the Essence of my feelings.. — Soo.. It is Posted by “Copy & Paste” -No changes-except the removal of the < break> thingy ;p .. Jus how it was typed.. Ps.. I got My FaceBook up & Running.. Can’t say i like it much…Pss - Bamboozle was Awesome.. Possible Pic Post Blog?? Maybe :)

Well.. Soon to come - my response to a great blog that i came across by Kieren Smith  .. My Response Will Be to: To All Scene Queens And Fair-weather Fans - Suck It and Now that the Dust Has Settled.. Check it His Blog Out..   http://www.kierensmith.com/   It’s Amazing and True :)                                    - it’ll take me a while to type and finish writing it out.. Soo.. Details and post coming up soon.. idk exactly - but soon :)

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Okay - Clearly.. My MS Is Not Finished.. Frustrated with the MS layouts.. that wont be 4 long.. And I most Likely Will Be Up On FaceBook Shortly— Time Consumes Me… But I would Just Like To Say Something About Me First… Sure There Are Tons Of Things I can Mention — But This Has Been on My Mind - A Lot Lately… So Here It Goes….

~~~~~Music Is My SoulMate~~~~~

1st Off.. Singer is Crystal’s Musical Soulmate and Tyler is Ash’s… But I Thought About the Many Bands and Ppl I Could Chose From.. And I Can Say MUSIC IS My SOUL MATE..

Okay.. First Off… People Call Me a G-R-O-U-P-I-E!!! Lol..
On More Than 1 Occassion.. You have to realize.. I’m NOT A GROUPIE… I Can Say I’ma A Band Supporter!!! But It is MUCH More Than Just A Band

Sure I DO Groupie Things — Like Buy CDs!! Shirts!! Scream Like A Crazy Person!! (—> The Arrival Concert) Yes.. People Were Staring!!! Lol.. And The Band Prolly Thinks We’re A Lil’ Crazy… But That’s Okay Too!!!!  Follow The Cab & We The Kings Twitter & Blogs!!! And Carry On About How Great They Are.. && Play Their Songs For Everyone Who Wants To Hear - Or Not Hear!! Travel 4 Hours To A Concert!! Sure.. That is ONLY What You See… You Don’t See The Other Side..

You Don’t Know That I Cried My Self To SLeep The Night B4 The Arrival Concert.. And The Next Morning.. That I listen To Music From When I hear My Alarm Clock to All Day At Work & When I Go Home.. Prolly 75% Of My Day..Seriously.. You Don’t Realize All The things That Go On In My Life.. On In My Head…  The Bad - The Worse - The Great - The Good.. That Looking Forward To Concerts Is A Great Feeling — Not Because Of IT Being Just A Concert… It’s Knowing That You Will Hear The People Who Impact You The Most!!!..  Because I Listen To The Cab EVERYDAY.. The Arrival EVERYDAY.. WTK.. Theory of a Deadman.. There For Tomorrow.. VE… Many Of The Deca. & FBR Labelmates.. Seriously… When I read a Blog!! Or Watch a King’s Carriage Video - It Makes ME Laugh - Maybe Shed a Tear (I’m Only A Girl!!!) And Brings My Spirits Up — It Helps ME Through the Day!!

It is Because Music IS MY LIFE!!! Music Keeps Me Sane!! It Gives Me 1 More Day To Look Forward To!!! To Keep Going.. When I’m Down & Out.. OR Having A Great Day - Music Is There (So is My Homey - Crystalness) Without These 2 Things.. I Feel Like I would Have Nothing… A Concert - IS More Than Just A Concert.. It’s My Vacation Away From Life And Stress.. It’s Blissfull.. From Hearing Ad’s Voice on the SVT To Jeff’s Great Dance Moves (The Arrival) - Are Just A Few Great Moments In My Life.. And Many More Tooo Come!!! Bamboozle Bound-Shortly!!!!

Just Cuz I Go To Concerts - I Don’t Go Just To Meet A Band!! I Don’t Wanna Be With Them 4Ever… (Except AD— Lol - We R Still Sharing Homey) For Ex. On The SVT @ Croc Rock - We Stayed All The Way In The Back!! It’s To Hear Them Perform.. To Know That All The Lyrics That You have Memorized.. And All The Things You Have Bought.. Is Just Another Memory To Save!! To See The Influence They Have on your Life.. Their Words.. Their Sounds.. Music Effects Everything I do.. It Really Does..

I Must Say That I am Fortunate That I Have Met The Cab.. Versa Emerge.. The Arrival.. These Bands Are So Sweet And Just Great People.. And Definately AWESOME!!! I Could Go On & On.. Like How When I Met Singer - I Froze Up.. How Hondu and Us Were Talking About VE… How Blake hi-Fived My Best Friend… How Chris Remembered ME From MySpace.. How Jeff Pointed Us Out @ The Concert… (Even Though We Were Like The Only 1s Screaming.. Lol) It’s The Best Feeling!! They Have A Dream.. A Focus.. A Future.. Music!! And Making Their Way To The Top.. Traveling Hours And Hours.. Miles And Miles.. No Matter If It’s 20 Ppl To 5,000 People.. Putting On a GREAT Performance!!! They Are Dedicated to Their Fans.. && To People They Meet…

I Believe in Dreams.. And To Support Someone Who Strives To Make and Keeps My Hopes Up and Dreams Alive Through Their Passion.. There Is No Reason Why I Shouldn’t Be!!!

So This Is For The People Who Think I’m Just a Crazed Fan Or Fanatic.. Music Touches Many People, Including Me.. Whether fans- Or Not.. I have Had The Greatest Times Meeting The People Who I Live Through Daily.. And If I never Meet Another Band Again — I have Their Music and They Will Be In My Heart— Because Music Is My Soulmate!!!

Also.. I Must Say.. Crystalness.. (In A Best Friend Way)
I remember When We Didn’t Even Listen To This Type Of Music.. When It Was All Slow Songs 4 You.. And Fast 4 Me :) It’s Been Years And You have Always Been There !!! Recently Too.. I have Needed IT.. It’s So Funny That No Matter How Long we Have Known Eachother — We Still Learn New Things & Still Are Soo Close.. And I Would Have Never Thought It Could Be This Great.. We Put Eachother Onto So Many Bands.. So Much Music (You More Than Me :p) Listening to Cds… Going TO Concerts!! Meeting Bands.. And Much More To Come.. Thank You!! Cuz You Are everything A Person Needs.. And If Any1 Can’t Realize That — They R An IDIOT! Lmao..

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Yes - i did leave my message to my best friend there - cuz everything was true.. and i meant it :)

I’m Such a Thinker!

So.. This was Written Like 2-3 Days Ago.. Random Thoughts go through my head… I’m Such A thinker.. I wrote it as I thought it.. I’m Not much of a ppl person - to spill my guts out on paper.. To just anyone… But i guess it’s kinda What Tumblr is About.. I write what I feel - whether on paper - in my mind - or telling it to other ppl.. Either way - i thought it.. i said it.. wrote it.. Tired of rambling.. So I guess now I am Posting.. (Took me longer to decide whether I wanted to Post it or Not - Than Type It.. So typical of me) HopeFully They Will Continuously get better and more interesting :)

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I Feel Like My Life is Spiraling Out of Control
But I Maintain the Proper..
Everything is Okay - Everything is Fine
I Keep Telling Myself I Will Get By
I Shouldn’t be Where I Am
So Much Potential Lost
At What Cost
The Cost of Myself
I Hold Myself Back
Feeling Like This - Feel All That I Lack
Keep Telling Myself - It Will Get Better
Tryin To Think Away the Stormy Weather
I Know I’m Not Horrible - Not Too Bad
Seeing That
My Past Continuously Haunts Me
Even Though I Have Changed My Ways
I Tried To Salvage Myself - All the Damaged Parts
Can’t Mend it All.. I Just Want a Brand New Start
Realizing That Can Never Be
Trying So Hard To Prevent The Past
In the Process
Realizing That I Just Lost ME!!

The Cabness

I’m Super Excited To Travel 4 Hours to See The Cab in CT!!! I Can’t Get enough of AD.. Like I liked them and their Music.. Saw Them Live in Allentown.. Now I Absolutely Love Them!!! Their Sound is Great Live!!! Great Like if you just here him Sing Live You can Appreciate Everything About them.. Especially Some ADness!!! Love Them..